we made it final today

today we finalized on brother bears adoption. It was an awesome day but for some reason I was more sad today than I remember when we finalized on baby bears. Don't get me wrong the sadness in no way comes from my kiddos - it is from the birthmom - and not knowing his birthmom I wonder so much about her, esp. if she is alright and does she know that her son is loved so much! but it was great and it was really great for my husband because brother bear said - da-da about 200 times during court! here is a pic of our handsome son!

Snowy Day!

We woke up to snow this morning!!! In Mississippi! I woke baby bear up at about 6 a.m. to see the snow-- she was so excited-- fun! It is funny here because when it snows even a little everything shuts down-- we do not know how to function- anyway just wanted to share!

Thank You

Two simple words melted my heart today. I told baby bear that I loved her and she said , Thank You, I just looked at her and smiled and she said it again "Thank you momma". I just thought to myself what a great, innocent, sweet, response to thank me for loving her.

So I can not turn my back....

I promise it only took 10 seconds for this to occur! Baby bear was grinning from ear to ear and brother bear was happy too until it was time to clean his little face- oh my!!!!! never ever a dull moment around here! oh I love it though...

Thanksgiving...

I have so much to be thankful for this year! My family is at the top of my list-I am so blessed--God has been so good to my family this year- I have an amazing family and of course I feel the need to share pics!

For this child I prayed

I was just thinking about this scripture and how much I love it---For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me 1 Sam. 1:27. So this got me thinking about birth annoucements for Brother Bear, we did one for Baby bear when she was about a month old, well this time around things were so sudden and we have been busy, but, we are about to finalize his adoption so I thought about sending out an announcement - do you think it is silly since he is already 6 months old. I already feel like we have skipped so much on the second kid - gosh I hate not to do this too- hmmmm any ideas- or any personal experiences?

Half Birthday

Today is Brother Bears half birthday! I can't believe he is 6 months old!

Crazy Eights

got this from a blog I love to read and follow---http://taleoftwocoins.blogspot.com/ just found this blog a few weeks ago, but the story breaks my heart and this woman has inspired me to strive for a happier marriage and life (thanks by the way if you ever read) anyway here goes

Crazy Eights
8 TV Shows I Love to Watch:
1. Greys Anatomy
2. Dog Wisperer
3. Army Wives
4. Desperate Houswives
5. Ghost Wisperer
6. Ellen
7. Beverly Hills 90210
8. Jon and Kate + 8

8 Favorite Restaurants:

1. A local Mexican Place -
2. Craker Barrel
3. Logans
4. Chick-fil-a
5. Red Lobster
6. Mazzios Pizza
7. Peppers Deli
8. Chili's

8 Things that Happened Today:

1. My husband left for work for a few weeks.
2. Baby Bear woke up sick
3. Stayed home all day
4. Painted with Baby bear
5. Made Jello
6. Changed a lot of diapers
7. Watched way too much Barney
8. Stayed in my night clothes all day

8 Things I Look Forward To:

1. baby Bear feeling better!
2. Husband coming home.
3. Thanksgiving dinner.
4. Shopping on Black Friday.
5. Goldilocks visit.
6. Spa day when Goldilocks comes down.
7. Finalizing Brother Bears adoption.
8. Hugging up to my girls (dogs) and getting a nap.

8 Things on My Wishlist

1. Spa day!
2. Quiet time
3. A good's night sleep
4. Healthy kiddos
5. For the next few weeks to fly by
6. Happy Holidays
7. Get my hair done
8. New dog leashes to walk my doggies

November is here!

So Halloween is over - think we are still on a Halloween High over here (could be all the sugar)! It has been fun but I am ready for some chill time at home! Just wanted to share some pics of my cute little cubs!

Halloween

okay so has Halloween (fall) always been this busy or am I just getting old? Seems like when I was little Halloween was just one night - now we have 10 different things to go to - I feel like the kids need more than one costume, gotta go to the pumpkin patch - can't miss the school party, the fall festival at church or the trunk or treat with the play group we have to go to the zoo boo, and then the gymnastics party and the family functions, all ending with the grand finale- Halloween night! oh and ya gotta go to the fair (which isn't near as fun as an adult). Maybe I am getting old or having 2 little bears instead of one this year could be it- but then again- I really do not remember it being so busy- gosh it makes me want to eat a lot of candy and take a nap!

October Ramblings

I can not believe it is the end of October! Brother Bear is 5 months old today! Not sure how that happened so fast! Baby Bear is just as amazing as ever - she is soooo smart I think she will academically pass me and papa bear very soon - if not already! Halloween is just around the corner and we have lots planned, I can not wait to post pics - Kassidy is going to be a cat and a princess and brother bear, not sure I really wanted him to be a baby sumo wrestler because he sure has the body for it but having trouble finding a baby black wig - maybe we could just do some dark makeup on his head- hmmm? well just wanted to post seems like it has been forever! Happy Fall to everyone!!!!

Sisters?

This is a picture of me and goldilocks (baby bears birthmommy). I think we look a like, everytime we go places together people ask if we are sisters and I say - yes. It is just easier--- ofcourse I guess when baby bear gets older I may have to rethink my sarcasm when she is around--- ? anyway just wanted to see what everyone thought and share a picture of us!

Brother Bear is 4 months old today!

The time is flying! Seems like yesterday when we brought him home! He is a precious boy - so serious and so opposite from baby bear! The only time he really fusses is when he is hungry which is becoming more often lately.

Adoptive Breastfeeding

So in my previous post I talked about always feeling the need to share my children's adoption story. So today is really one of the first times I really really wished I could breast feed! Me and brother bear are taking a mommy and me class (of which no one knows he is adopted). So I tell myself before class - alright - no adoption stories lets just go in and be mother and child. Well ofcourse during the class several of the moms stop to breastfeed and I have to feed brother bear also, which is a bottle and I felt like I was being judged. I almost broke and stood up and said- "okay okay - he is adopted and I only had a 2 day notice that I had a son- I can't breastfeed - so stop looking at my platex drop-in bottle with disgust!!!!!!!!!"

But I figured this might in some little way not be the best thing to do.But I
did not give in and tell our story and I am proud of myself for that-- as a sidenote I have been trying hard to let my kids stories be theirs to tell and not blurt them out all the time and baby bear is getting to the age that she understands so much more and people say the most off the wall things----
But really for the first time today I wish I had looked in to adoptive breastfeeding more - it is something I just had no interest in doing - untill today- Hey just had an idea - I could get up during class and go to the special breastfeeding chairs and pretend to breastfeed - they would never know- and then it would put more pressure on me to not tell our story - ofcourse brother bear would wonder what the heck was going on--- so nah better not do that- I will just proudly keep using my bottles!

Why do I feel the need to share?

I wonder why I feel the need to share with others my children are adopted? Seriously, it seems I will make it come up in conversation. I always say, unless it needs to be told I will keep their stories to myself, but I swear I think it is a mental thing with me - almost as if I have to or something. Like maybe I feel guilty for taking credit for my children and I have to acknowlede there were others involved. Like for example baby bear just started preschool, well I felt the need to put under the part "any addition info about your child.." that she and her brother were adopted---- for real did I really do that--- It is Sunday and I am just reflecting the week and thinking about this-- I did it yesterday too, at family dayat my husbands work-- you know the conversation is always like this - Oh how far apart are they? was it planned that way? and I do good and about 5 minutes in to it- I break and start in to the story-- I really want to stop this for their sake------ I really do think it has something to do with my insecurites---- what do you think?

Brother Bear

Brother Bear is 3 months old today!

He is growing so much!!!!! And Baby bear just keeps getting cuter every day!!
She is talking so much more now! her favorite sentence is " I go first" she pretty much applies it to everything! But tonight at dinner she said "I want more peaches please" - I am so impressed! Well here are a few pics of my beautiful little bears!

August

Well it is August - wow - the kiddos are a growing! Baby Bear is talking up a storm, last week I told her that I loved her and she said I love you too! wow! talking about an awesome mom moment! We are working on potty training - woo hoo! Brother Bear is growing very fast - I had someome ask me if I was feeding him miricle grow! lol! He is so alert now and cooing and smiling, and sleeping more during the night!
I am in need of a night on the computer to catch up on all my favorite blogs! oh and I have just recently been on a 3 day hunt for my favorite bra - silly me ofcourse I should have known it was in the dogs kennel! Sasha one of my 4 legged babies, I think felt sorry for me and got tierd of me looking for it and today she brought it out of her kennel and dropped it at me feet -- kinda sad when you dogs feel sorry for you!lol
well I better run while it is quiet I may take a shower - we will see!

Blondes have more fun!

So baby bear likes to pull the hair off of her dolls and I like to try it on brother bear! I am sure he will just love these when he gets older!

some pictures

Brother Bear 2 months old!



mama bear and baby bear - july 20th


2 years old today!


The birthday girl


The 2 kiddos!

Happy Birthday Baby Bear!

Well it is one day late - but we have been busy around the bear household! My little baby girl is 2 - wow! well I will post some pics later - my now 2 year old and 2 month old are both crying so I must run!

My poor little guy!

Well brother bear is in the hospital. Two days ago he ran a high fever and he was admitted, they did blood work and took spinal fluid and we are waiting to see what it is - they are thinking it is a bacterial infection in his blood stream - he will probably have a hospital stay of at least 10 days - but he has not had fever in 24 hours and is eating well! So just send up an extra prayer for our little guy if you can! Thanks!

Visit with Goldilocks and other thoughts on adoption...

SO Goldilocks was here last week (baby bears birthmom) and she got to meet brother bear (our latest addition to the bear family). We had a really great visit - she is awesome and our time togheter , well I value that. So what I am about to say may not make sense to some----- I have 2 children through adoption - one is very open and one is very closed (by choice of birthmom) I may never even get to meet brother bears birthmom - he may never either and we have NO info on his birthfather. I am sad for him because of this. But in a very selfish way - it is easy--- I know I know and believe me I feel guilty for feeling this way but it has been so easy having him in our family. I have not felt the guilt and utter saddness in my bones like I did with baby bear, I so felt Goldilocks' pain and sometimes felt like I had taken something that was not mine and that I should not have -- but with my son, he was already available for adoption when we were contacted, so he was going to be adopted, by me or someone, he needed a home and family - he was without one. I kinda almost feel like I have done something good - yeah thats right and it feels good to feel good about it! I think so many times in the adoption world we are so worried about doing what is right ( and we should) but sometimes the adoptive moms become the heavy and carry alot of guilt and responsibility that we may or may not should have to carry. Anyway it just feels so different, the two adoptions, for me.
I guess both have their issues and I know that the open is more healthy and will be better for my child, and I love being able to give that to her and it does make me sad for my son but for now it is easy - good , bad - whatever - it is still easier now! So if anyone wants to flame me go ahead - I just thought I would be honest, so many people have asked... thought I would add a few pics from last week! WE miss you Goldilocks!
Goldilocks and baby bear


Goldilocks and brother bear

Busy, busy!

I just realized it has been a long time since I posted! We have been so busy with our new addition and just life! Goldilocks comes tomorrow for a visit- hope we have a good visit- We had our first post-placement visit from our agency today and I think it went very well - I think we are doing very well as a family of 4 - it has actually been a very smooth transition for us! Well just wanted to let everyone know we are still alive!!! I have a post in my mind that I am getting around to about my 2 different adoptions (closed/open) I have a lot I want to say - some things I am feeling that even surprise me - but it is kinda deep stuff and I want to have my brain involved so it will have to be later - but it is there and it needs to come out so hopefully soon! here are some new pics of the kiddos!

blog name

so I have been thinking what I should call my little guy on my blog-- any ideas?
here are a few new pics!

Here is our little guy!!!

Our son comes home today!

After only a couple months wait - we got a call from our agency 2 nights ago. Today we are going to pick up our son - he is 2 weeks old. We are very excited, a little in shock and nervous! Please keep us in your prayers today as we travel with baby bear to go get our wonderful little guy! Hope to be posting some cute pics real soon!

All about me

so this NCLM ( NaComLeavMO) has been really neat! I have loved going to all the blogs and reading everyones story and then I saw a post that I wanted to copy. It was an introduction post that made me feel like I knew the person right away-- So I figured I would just kinda tell my story as to give you an idea of who I am. My blog mostly is about adoption - open adoption. My dh and I tried to get pregnant since we got married, for 5 years we have had no success - we are in the "unexplained" category. After we did IVF we decided to take a break and pursue adoption. We were all approved except for our final home visit in August of 2005 and then Katrina hit and caused major damage to our home, which postponed our home vistit while we lived in a camper in our drive way for 6 months or so. We were approved in Feb. 2006 and after a few turns and twists we were chosen in May 2006 by Goldilocks. We met her and had an instant connection and became close before baby arrived. My husband and I were at the hospital and were in the room with Goldilocks and Baby Bear lots and we really all connected and decided we would be open with things. Since then we have had visits and have had Goldielocks in our home for extended visits. It is a relationship that some have a hard time understanding and even I at some time have a hard time wrapping my brain around it - but it is a connection that is like no other I have ever had - she gave birth to my daughter, my wonderful daughter and I will always be connected to her.
As for now in 2008, we are a waiting family with the same agency we adopted Baby Bear through and are in the midst of deciding if we want to embark on any more fertility treatments before I am too old... and that is basically it in a nutshell! I hope to get to know lots of you more and thanks for taking the time to stop by my blog!

memorial day visit

We had a great visit with Goldielocks and her mom over Memorial day weekend! Baby Bear had a great time jumping on the bed, playing with the phones and riding the elevator!!! Just wanted to share a few links -- you can jump to goldilocks blog and see some there too!http://goldielocksn3bears.blogspot.com/

Baby Bears Spring 2008 Picture

You loved her first

Since I have adopted Kassidy and she has come into my life and been my daughter, I view things and hear things much differently. For example when I hear songs, the meaning is different for me. When Kassidy was a few months old I heard the song "Keeper of the stars" by Tracy Bryd -- It says it was no accident me finding you, someone hand a hand in it long before we ever knew -- then the chorus says - I tip my hat to the keeper of the stars he sure knew what he was doing when he joined these two hearts , I hold everything when I hold you in my arms, now I have all I will ever need thanks to the keeper of the stars -- So ofcourse this made me think of Goldlielocks and babybear and our relationship. So I was listening to the radio the other day - yes it was something else besides Elmo, Barney or Kidz bop! I heard the song I Loved Her First by Heartland and it is about a father and his realtionship with his daughter as she is getting married well here are the lyrics (I am changing father to mother) this is the chorus
I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a mother runs deep
And I prayed that she'd find you someday
But it still hard to give her away
I loved her first
Someday you might know what I'm going through
When a miracle smiles up at you
I loved her first
and there are other parts to the song - but oh my I so thought of Goldilocks and her love for baby bear--- She loved her first - before I even knew my daughter or saw my daughter she loved her first! Wow--- I may have a lot of firsts in her life now but that really melts my heart to know that she got that first-- what a special tie to always have to someone. She truely loved her first.

Mother' Day

Well I had a great Day!!! This is a picture of me and Baby Bear Headed out to church this morning!!!!! Oh how I used to dread going to church on Mother's Day - not any more!

Birthmothers Day

I know this is not a day that all like and I get that, but in my situation Goldilocks does, So I wanted to wish her a very happy day and let her know that she should be so proud of Baby bear, she is just this wonderful little girl that everyone loves so much -- I see So much of goldilocks in her everyday!!!! Thanks for being a part of our lives Goldilocks! We love you!

gonna change my blog name

from off my mind to losing my mind!!!!!!! Just a crazy week!!! 2 days ago my face swells up like a grapefruit and it is some blocked gland - I thought I was dying (apparently I am a bit of a drama queen) so I am about to be off to the ENT for that, last night baby bear throws up - no big deal I am 99% sure it was sinus drainage , we had just been to dr. yesterday and she was fine last night and this morning. So I decide to send her to her preschool for my coveted 2 hours this morning - so my dh is off and he takes her----- well he is gone about 10 minutes and the director calls and asks me what is going on with baby bear - because dh had left her and told the teacher -"oh don't worry if she is not herself, she was throwing up all night, were not sure what it is - maybe food poisoning" - o.k. really did he just do that is all I can think! So I say well that is not really the case but I will come get her - then she screams because she wants to stay and I feel like a fool because I have (in their eyes) just sent a sick puking kid to school - so I have bab mama wrote all over my forehead! What is wrong with my husband - seriously I think he has lost his mind---- I asked him why he said that when we knew she was fine - "um I don't know - I don't think I said it that way--" anyway - I just needed to rant and vent! Sorry! well gotta run and see why my face is expanding!

My kid looked good!

SO I have been feeling so stressed and spread out lately!!!!! I feel like I never get anything completed and I am always chasing my tail!!!! After a complete morning of feeling this way - I am driving and look in the rear view mirror and there is this little girl (baby bear) looking just completly together - dress so cute with pigtails, clean face, full tummy, dry diaper, clean socks and pretty white shoes, and beside her a fully stocked diaper bag, and full sippy cup! Then I thought - hey I can feel good about that - maybe I am doing a good and complete job at something!So the thing that makes me feel run crazy sometimes (being mommy) is also the thing that brings me back to sanity -- thanks baby girl!

Relay For Life

Well this year we lost a dear friend to cancer and my Aunt survived stage 4 lung cancer! So We wanted Kassidy to walk in the kiddie lap at our local relay for life and she just loved it! I was so proud of her- I know she is too young to understand but still it felt good just to be there and support the cause, and it was kinda like she knew she was doing something important---but we had loads of fun. She got to ride the pony and then when we get home she actually requested grits for supper! She calls them gets! And then ended the night playing with mommy and daddy in her room---She is such a blessing and we are so so blessed to have a healthy child! When they did the survivors lap and there were kids walking that hit home with me and let me say once again -- Thank you God that my child is healthy!