tomorrow....

Well Baby bears, birthmom Goldilocks will be here tomorrow. I am so excited to see her, I always am. Just incase you are new here and dont know, we are very close, not only because of the adoption we are just connected, in so many ways, we say we are each others soul mates - soul sisters! At first I thought it was because we share the same daughter and well yeah Im sure that is a big part of it, but it is more. We are a lot alike and just well are very close in many ways, even with out baby bear in the picture if I would have met her we would have been very close. I think this is why I see so much of myself in baby bear, truely I see me so much in her it scares me sometimes- its almost like she has my genetic makeup, she has characteristics from me that I have had all my life! like for example I cant stand to have an unopened present around me, it does something to me, I do not know if it is a curiousity thing or a mental disorder, but I have been known to unwrap a present and then re-wrap and put back under the tree! so now everyone just keeps them away from me, well baby bear is the same way, and I know most kids are but for her it goes beyond normal, just like me, it is a compulsion! and last night we had company over and someone said, man she litereally can not stand an unopen present around her! and I thought yep thats my girl and then I thought about Goldilocks and how much we are all alike. Anyway I am so lucky to have her in my life and to have answers to questions about baby bear so I can only imagine how imortant and crucial it is and will be for baby bear! then the coin flips and I have my baby boy, that we have pretty much no info or contact and not sure if we ever will. But we will deal and do our best, for now, for today, I am excited we get to spend the week with someone thats important to us, to me, to my daughter, someone we call family someone we love very much, my daughters other mom!

Things they say...

To me it is so amazing how our kids can say a simple statement and make you think for hours. We are going to look at Christmas lights tonight, and my mom was with us, and she was going to get to stay the night with her. We had to ride by my husbands mom's house for a minute, anyway, baby bear was just rambling about mamow ruby and her other mamow and papow and then she says I got this many mammows and papows, but I only have one mommie and one daddy though and grinned really big. So why did that break my heart? The innocence on her little face had no idea of the loss she has had of her first mom. Will she feel it as hard because she knows her and will get to see her? does it matter? will our efforts in open adoption help her? so so so many guestions and for now, I can just enjoy the innocence and simplicity that she feels , she doesnt need to know any of that now, and I know I worry too much and I think too much and oh yeah I worry too much! When it comes to my kids I just cant help it.....

good lord at the goodie bags!!! :)

So not adoption related, but man oh man, I think I have done 200 goodie bags in the last week! Between my two kids and their own preschool and the preschool I operate, because ofcourse my two have to give everyone something (this is in my head) - wow! but after tomorrow morning it will be over. So does the holiday thing get easier or harder as they get older? oh well either way, I honestly could not be happier to do it, I wouldnt have it any other way :) but I am glad that I probably wont do goodie bags again till at least ummmm Valentines Day! so I get a little break!

Santa Visti 2009

So we went to see Santa today and broter bear was not having any part of it!!!!

baby bear got style!

this was baby bear playing outside today! I am loving her new sense of style!!

Baby Bear! - aug. 2006

I just had the chance to scan this! it has been framed an on the wall for over three years, but brother bear was throwing a temper fit and hit his head on the wall and knocked it down, good times! :-) anyway just wanted to post this precious picture of baby bear when she was one month old!!!! Just precious!!! if I do say so myself!

Adoption Brain

Sometimes I think I am going crazy! really, like I have some type of multiple adoption personailty disorder or something! I can be reading about reform and thinking , man I cant believe that and what is that adoptive mom thinking, and thinking how clueless some potential adoptive parents can be and then, Boom! I will read a blog and see someone waiting or struggling or just starting the process and I sympatize with them and hope their wait is short and congratulate them on being approved. Sometimes I feel like I flip flop alot, I mean on one big hand, I am a mom because someone else could not parent or made a choice not to parent, I am a mom because of another woman, I have my kids because of adoption, and then I look at adoption and see so many things wrong on so many levels, but I KNOW my kids were meant to be with me, I know this from deep down inside my very being, I love my children so so much and I am fortunate to know their adoptions were ethical and that gives me comfort and peace.

hello IComLeavWe!

Just wanted to say a quick hello and thanks for stoping by my blog if you are from Nov. IComLeavWe! I am an adoptive mommy, to two young children that came to me through domestic infant adoption, tried the whole ttc thing for years, including shots, ivf, iui, fet, anyway>>> no baby. But most of that pain is long forgotten since baby bear and brother bear entered my life. I am in an open adoption with baby bears birthmom (goldielocks) she blogs and reads hear also, and in a closed adoption by the request of brother bears birth mom. I struggle with lots of things in the adoption world, life ethics mostly and will I ever do it again? I want more kids really bad so we will see if we go the ttc road or the adoption road, still trying to decide----- thanks so much for stopping by!!!!

Titles

Today I am thinking about titles, I know in the adoption world titles are important, like, adoptive mom, birth, first, natural mom, expectant mom, etc. and the list goes on and on. But I was thinking about titles and who gets to make these rules? I know some moms that have parented their kids and done a horrible job and really screwed their kids up , yet they are called Mom, but I know some moms who made a choice to let someone else parent their child ( a decision not made lightly and for sure out of love) yet we take the title of mom away from them? ok so lets take it a step further and go to the birth grandparents, some people think it is crazy if I "let" my kids call their birthgrandparents grandma_____ but my husbands step father that didnt even raise him and see my kids very little- well then it is perfectly fine for him to be paw paw ______ ? just thinking how this is confusing to me. And then my kids have people in my family they call Aunt because they are closer to my kids but may really just be their cousin, so do we go by how close we are, do we go by blood, because biologically speaking no one in my family is related to my kids? I think we just try to go by who is close to us in my family and maybe go from there. But I will say this, in the past 3 years, baby bears birthmom and birth gmother, have not forgotten one birthday or holiday (including mothers and fathers day) and have made a really big effort to be a part of both of my childrens lives in a positive way and regardless of title that is something I am very thankful for!

Class of '89

so the bear family is headed on a 500 mile road trip tomorrow to my 20 year class reunion! I am very excited and nervous all at the same time! Not about the reunion but about the kids! I am sure it will be fun and an experience for us all. So on the adoption front, I will be curious to see how many people I will share our story with, I have tried to keep it more private, but have not been in this type situation since we have had children. Well hope everyone is doing great!

been awhile!

so I can not believe how long its been since I have been on here! wow! things have just been beyond crazy and busy!!!!!!! so now I am spending lots of time catching up on everyone else's blogs!!!!!!!! hope everyone in blog land is doing good!!!! We went to a workshop a few weekends ago by Pat Johnston on adoption and it was some really good info! thinking about getting some of her books- anyone have any that they have read?

pics of the bears!

Here are a couple of pics from Baby Bear's party on Sat. We got her hair cut on Friday ! I love it and daddy, well he will get used to it!!!

adoptee and loss

So lately I have really been thinking about the loss an adoptee faces. It happened when I was having a conversation with someone about their boyfriend that was adopted, he is now 35 ish and we were discussing loss. I can really really see how the loss an adoptee has is so overlooked! I think when a child losses their mom and dad to death the child's loss is acknowledged and sympathized with but when a child losses their family to adoption it is not even seen because there is this mom and dad that are "perfect" and childless (in some cases) and they want this baby so bad and love them so much and this child is so "lucky" to have this that the fact that that baby just lost its mommy and daddy regardless of the reason is not even a factor and that baby has a loss that in some cases is never acknowledged. I was specifically talking to someone about brother bear and I told them that I always want him to know that i am sad that he lost his mommy and that she could not or felt she could not keep him, and that i love him so much and am so happy to be his mommy and will be forever but it is ok for him to miss his other mommy and wonder about her, and this person thought I was nuts! They were like, but he has a mommy and he has always had you, he did not lose anything, he did not know his birth mom- you are his mom. OK, true- heck yeah I am his mom, but his and my reality is that I did not conceive and carry and birth him, his ancestors and mine are NOT the same, we do not share genetics and he lost all that when she walked out of the hospital without him and he lost the only mommy he knew to that point and did he know that- Heck yeah he knew his mommy was not there! Heck yeah he knew he did not smell her and hear her voice and taste her milk and feel her touch. I asked this mom if she felt like her son knew her at birth and she said of course, and I think started to think about it a little more.
Sometimes I think people feel like they have to validate me as a mom by telling me these things, but hey its not about my validation its about my child and its about seeing the loss they had and letting it be , just be, I am not sure how much it will effect my children, but I know one thing for sure is that I will acknowledge it with them and make sure they know that it is OK for them to feel that loss and that it will not make me feel less of a mom in anyway, even though I would not change my life for anything or my family, its not a perfect way to have a family it does go against nature in a way, my kids lost their family and it is something we will deal with together.

Baby Bear turned 3!!!

I can't believe that my baby girl turned three on Monday!!! Really it is hard to swallow! She is amazing and smart and spirited and challenging and loving and determined and curious and beautiful and charming and really I could go on and on, just wanted to share some pics! I love you sweet baby girl- you have made me a much better person and made my world a much brighter place and in your short 3 years you have already touched so many lives in only the way you can!

Primal Wound

So as my daughter gets older I am forced more and more on how to deal with the way I approach her with her adoption story. She is an amazing kid and has thrown me for a few loops lately with her responses to things and has gotten me looking into books and theories on adoption and the effects of adoption and how to explain certain things to children. One book or theory I am thinking about reading is Primal Wound by: Nancy verrier. Ill be honest I used to think this theory was interesting but of course did not apply to my kids, but after reading I am starting to agree more and more with things and coming to terms with the side of adoption that is not so cherry and deciding for my self all this is really OK. It is hard to think you child will hurt or have grief for anything or ever feel a loss, which I think makes this theory hard to swallow, but my denying these things I am starting to think will be more harmful to my children in the long run. So I am opening my self up to a lot more and was just curious if anyone had read this book or has an opinion about this topic.

Too Young?

So I am trying to raise my children to have a social conscience, to understand we are fortunate and others may not be and part of having things is sharing with others. So I wanted to have people that are invited to her birthday party to make a donation to the local animal shelter and for her to take the donations and see what it was going for, this instead of getting 15 more toys she does not need. But.... she will only be 3, so does she even understand the concept or will she take it as being forced on her- my husband says let her get presents have her party and we can do this on the side- I dont know what to do- I should- but I dont. So any input would be fantastic

crazy summer!

First hello to all the comment leavers!! If it is your first time to my blog then real quick- I am 37 married, 2 kids through domestic infant adoption, one very open adoption and one very closed. So.. It has been crazy the past month and won't be slowing down until August! We found out brother bear has a peanut allergy so any tips on that would be awesome! We go for tests next week! I am also picking up Goldilocks(Baby bear's bmom) next Sat. At the airport for a visit, she is staying with us for a week, I will post pictures when I can!! Well hope everyone is having a great summer!

Happy Father's Day

Just wanted to say Happy Father's Day to my husband and Dad!! Thanks for providing,caring and loving us!! We love you!!

Happy Fathers Day

h

Brother Bears Birthday!

So Brother Bear turned one today! I honestly can not believe he is one, the year has flown by!!! He is just so amazing and sooo apart of our family! I love him so much and I love having a son!! Yesterday I started thinking about his birthmom, and today I really have thought about her. I hope she is ok, I know her heart must be hurting today thinking about her son. We never got to meet her and I wonder so much about her and my heart hurts that she doesnt know him. Well just wanted to post a few pics, one of the first day we meet him and one I took today - he has changed so much! We love you big guy and are so happy you are our son!

Lying or just leaving out details?

So I have had this thing since I have adopted my children that I feel the need to tell others and not take credit for "having" my children. Not sure what it is with me, maybe like I am disrespecting their other moms or I want to be honest or I am not sure but I decided that I also do not want to subject my kids to the ignorant remarks that come back and I want to respect my children's privacy of their own story and be able to be in charge of who knows and who does not. This actually is very hard for me to do - VERY! As a matter of fact I was sure I was not gonna be able to stop -but recently in the past two weeks I have chosen not to share in two different conversations that I normally would have before. I was at the dentist and I was talking about brother bear and me and another mom where sharing pics and comparing notes and sharing birth weights and current weight - well before I always felt the need to share I did not actually birth him but this time I didn't' I just shared how much he weighed and left it at that. Well the next time I kinda felt like I was a big fat Lie! we were at Wal-mart and we always have stalkers talking to Brother Bear - usually older women, he is so chubby I think he attracts attention and these two ladies that had been following us ended up behind us in the check out line and he was in the front of the buggy with me unloading, and they are talking to him and keep asking "where did you get those brown eyes from"? so I try to ignore but they keep asking then looking at me and they wanted an answer - they were probably about 75 ish in age - so I just said oh he got them from his daddy - he looks just like him, and they were like yeah we could tell it wasn't from his mommy! (actually we are told his birth mom has brown eyes) me I have green eyes, blonde hair. so anyway, sure they never gave it a second thought and brother bear well he had no clue but for me I have thought about it so much- did I say the right thing - either way I go I always wonder if I say the right thing, if I am honoring the right person, and most of all am I being honest? well thanks for listening ..

Being a Mom....What helps you?

I love being a mom! Sometimes I feel like I have lost my mind though---- today started with two bottles of lotion being squeezed and rubbed all in the bathroom floor - which this goes way back we have done vaseline, powder, you name it--- then I left the syrup by her at breakfast and you guessed it! Also brother bear has major mommy issues! He wants to be held all the time and if I leave his site- he freaks! So anyway tonight after about 11 hours of this fun - i think i finally lost it - i turned on music and started singing and dancing in the kitchen while they were eating --- but it was a major stress relief for me and they just thought it was the funniest thing! So what are some tricks some of you use when it has been one of those days - oh another weird thing I do that helps is put something funny on my kids so when I look at them I laugh - needless to say brother bear has had bows in his hair and a pink swimsuit on lately! mom or no mom- we all have those days- so please share! I will try to dig up some of my pics of baby bears messes and brother bears cross dressing days! oh and him in the swim suit well he had it on for awhile (which helped so much) but I forgot and he had it on when hubby came home - umm he was not happy!

A bit about me....

Just wanted to give a quick intro for all those stopping by for the first time! I know I love it when I stop by blogs and they do this so here goes.... I am a 37 year old wife and mother of two beautiful children - a daughter that came to us through open domestic adoption from the hospital and a son that came to us through closed domestic adoption at 3 weeks old. Baby bear - my daughter will be 3 in July and Brother Bear will be one in May. I love being a mom, it is crazy but I like it , we are currently discussing number 3 and trying to decide on adoption or trying to concieve again - either way it will be a wild ride I am sure, but I like having my kids close together so I am about ready to get something going! Random things about me are I drive a car that is way too big - it is a Hummer H2 with a big ole lift (we really were looking for a mini-van and it just kinda feel in our laps), I have two inside Rotweillers that are 8 years old that were and are my first kids and they are just amazing and gentle creatures, I own a small preschool, I have a degree in elementary ed and an advance degree in Child and Family Studies, I am a christian and truely believe that God is gracious and wonderful and has a plan for us all, also Goldilocks is baby bears first mom and I have a link to her blog and she responds to my posts on here often incase that interests anyone-- well thanks for stopping by!!!

Little Meramid....Just Thinking...

So, I have tried to pride myself on filtering what my children watch on tv and dvds. Well lately baby bear has been in love with Ariel form the Little Mermaid, so when we get in the car she will watch the movie. Well Saturday I am listening to the movie and really do not like a lot of what I hear. I may be over thinking, but I dont think I like the message it is sending my daughter. This is what Ursula says to convince Ariel to trade her voice for legs [Ursula:] Have we got a deal?
[Ariel:] If I become human, I'll never be with my father
or sisters again.
[Ursula:] But you'll have your man. Life's full of tough
choices, innit? Oh - and there is one more thing.
We haven't discussed the subject of payment.
[Ariel:] But I don't have any -
[Ursula:] I'm not asking much. Just a token, really, a
trifle. What I want from you is . . . your voice.
[Ariel:] But without my voice, how can I -
[Ursula:] You'll have your looks! Your pretty face! And don't
underestimate the importance of body language! Ha!

The men up there don't like a lot of blabber
They think a girl who gossips is a bore
Yes, on land it's much preferred
For ladies not to say a word
And after all, dear, what is idle prattle for?

Come on, they're not all that impressed with conversation
True gentlemen avoid it when they can
But they dote and swoon and fawn
On a lady who's withdrawn
It's she who holds her tongue who gets her man

So, yeah sure Ursula is not the good one here, but just the general theme, that first she can't be happy where she is, that she has to change everything for a man and leave her life and family and give up who she is? maybe my daughter picks up on none of this and then again maybe she does or maybe it plants that seed? Just thinking....

Easter Picture

Here is their first picture together! Baby Bear was such the big sister that day! Anyway just wanted to share their cuteness with everyone!

March

gosh just realized how long it has been wow!!!! Brother Bear turned 10 months yesterday! I can't believe that - he is so precious! Baby Bear is really during great at being the big sis!!!We have just been busy but wanted to get on and post some new pics of my precious bear cubs!!!!! Happy Spring everyone!!

A loss for words

So it happened and I knew it would , just not this soon. I was bathing Baby Bear the other night in the sink ( yeah she is still small enough to do that when we do not have 30 minutes for all her bath toy play in the big tub) and there was a picture of her cousin on the fridge and he is crying, it was his newborn picture. She asked why the baby was crying and I told her that he was not happy to be taken out of his mommy's tummy. So she smiles and points to my tummy and says - "momma's tummy - I in your tummy momma". Well I did not know what to say - I really think she can not understand things yet and I think it is not really age appropriate but I do not want to lie and agree either- so I just say yes that is mommas tummy and she laughed and moved on to something else - so no biggie. But I have thought about it and wondered and consulted others and just worried about it - I sooooo want her to be alright with everything and know the truth but I want it to be presented to her when the time is right- well a few days later she is in the tub and we are talking and I bring it up that some babies come out of mommas tummies and sometimes it is not our mommas tummy but another tummy and she just looked at me like "why are you telling me this stuff?" I even went on to tell her that she came out of Goldilocks tummy and she still looked at me that way so I dropped it and it has not come up since ----- so anyway just wanted to vent I guess - it just took me by surprise - oh and any advise or anyone want to share their experience PLEASE do!!!!

Hello!

Hope everyone is have a great New Year! Just wanted to share a few pics! the kids are growing soooo fast!!!!!

Did I really think I was going to have time...

TO READ A BOOK????? I love all the suggestions and I actually got The Shack squeezed in ... but it has been crazy around the bear house!!! my little bears have been sick and esp. brother bear he is just pitiful -- he has been having really bad breathing problems and he is saying "ma-ma" and it is just so sweet but I think he has taken 10 years off my life this past week or so--- I have never saw a baby struggle to breathe like he has but I think we are out of the woods , he is still having issues but it is soooo much better! anyway just seems like awhile since I have posted - heck not sure when I showered last - :-) hope everyone is doing well I need to post pics soon - the kids are getting so big! well better run, the phone is ringing, the dogs are barking and both kids are waking up at the same time and I am not even kidding I think someone is at the door -ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

need a good book

so I am open to suggestions! I feel like I need to read a book and relax more at night before bed -- so I am looking for some ideas so please let me know if you have read a good one lately -- Thanks!!!!