pics of the bears!

Here are a couple of pics from Baby Bear's party on Sat. We got her hair cut on Friday ! I love it and daddy, well he will get used to it!!!

adoptee and loss

So lately I have really been thinking about the loss an adoptee faces. It happened when I was having a conversation with someone about their boyfriend that was adopted, he is now 35 ish and we were discussing loss. I can really really see how the loss an adoptee has is so overlooked! I think when a child losses their mom and dad to death the child's loss is acknowledged and sympathized with but when a child losses their family to adoption it is not even seen because there is this mom and dad that are "perfect" and childless (in some cases) and they want this baby so bad and love them so much and this child is so "lucky" to have this that the fact that that baby just lost its mommy and daddy regardless of the reason is not even a factor and that baby has a loss that in some cases is never acknowledged. I was specifically talking to someone about brother bear and I told them that I always want him to know that i am sad that he lost his mommy and that she could not or felt she could not keep him, and that i love him so much and am so happy to be his mommy and will be forever but it is ok for him to miss his other mommy and wonder about her, and this person thought I was nuts! They were like, but he has a mommy and he has always had you, he did not lose anything, he did not know his birth mom- you are his mom. OK, true- heck yeah I am his mom, but his and my reality is that I did not conceive and carry and birth him, his ancestors and mine are NOT the same, we do not share genetics and he lost all that when she walked out of the hospital without him and he lost the only mommy he knew to that point and did he know that- Heck yeah he knew his mommy was not there! Heck yeah he knew he did not smell her and hear her voice and taste her milk and feel her touch. I asked this mom if she felt like her son knew her at birth and she said of course, and I think started to think about it a little more.
Sometimes I think people feel like they have to validate me as a mom by telling me these things, but hey its not about my validation its about my child and its about seeing the loss they had and letting it be , just be, I am not sure how much it will effect my children, but I know one thing for sure is that I will acknowledge it with them and make sure they know that it is OK for them to feel that loss and that it will not make me feel less of a mom in anyway, even though I would not change my life for anything or my family, its not a perfect way to have a family it does go against nature in a way, my kids lost their family and it is something we will deal with together.

Baby Bear turned 3!!!

I can't believe that my baby girl turned three on Monday!!! Really it is hard to swallow! She is amazing and smart and spirited and challenging and loving and determined and curious and beautiful and charming and really I could go on and on, just wanted to share some pics! I love you sweet baby girl- you have made me a much better person and made my world a much brighter place and in your short 3 years you have already touched so many lives in only the way you can!

Primal Wound

So as my daughter gets older I am forced more and more on how to deal with the way I approach her with her adoption story. She is an amazing kid and has thrown me for a few loops lately with her responses to things and has gotten me looking into books and theories on adoption and the effects of adoption and how to explain certain things to children. One book or theory I am thinking about reading is Primal Wound by: Nancy verrier. Ill be honest I used to think this theory was interesting but of course did not apply to my kids, but after reading I am starting to agree more and more with things and coming to terms with the side of adoption that is not so cherry and deciding for my self all this is really OK. It is hard to think you child will hurt or have grief for anything or ever feel a loss, which I think makes this theory hard to swallow, but my denying these things I am starting to think will be more harmful to my children in the long run. So I am opening my self up to a lot more and was just curious if anyone had read this book or has an opinion about this topic.