Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Things they say...
To me it is so amazing how our kids can say a simple statement and make you think for hours. We are going to look at Christmas lights tonight, and my mom was with us, and she was going to get to stay the night with her. We had to ride by my husbands mom's house for a minute, anyway, baby bear was just rambling about mamow ruby and her other mamow and papow and then she says I got this many mammows and papows, but I only have one mommie and one daddy though and grinned really big. So why did that break my heart? The innocence on her little face had no idea of the loss she has had of her first mom. Will she feel it as hard because she knows her and will get to see her? does it matter? will our efforts in open adoption help her? so so so many guestions and for now, I can just enjoy the innocence and simplicity that she feels , she doesnt need to know any of that now, and I know I worry too much and I think too much and oh yeah I worry too much! When it comes to my kids I just cant help it.....
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4 comments:
You have an open adoption right? And do visits? Does your child see her birthmom and not know who she is to her or just doesn't understand it right now. Just curious.
yes we do visits, she sees her and does know at her level of understanding, but when i have tried to talk to her about it she will tell me that she didnt come out of Jen Jens tummy she come out of mine,she is very defensive about it, so I try not to push too much info on her, she is 3, I have actually talked with pros in the field and they advised me she was too young to really talk to about it and understand the concept of two moms, because in her mind, mommy is who is there all the time and she is not really an abstract thinker now, so its hard to understand that someone that comes and goes is a mommy too ? and it could be scarry for her because she may think if one mommy will leave so will I. just trying to do the best I can and hoping I give the right answers at the right time, it sure can be hard.
My sons are via traditional surrogacy and I have the same fears and worries. Like we played god in some way that will damage all 6 kids (2 of ours, 4 of hers) involved.
There can never be too much love surrounding children and I am proof of that. An entire village surrounded me due to marginal parenting and I benefited from it and benefit from it still.
Try and let God's Plan unfold and know that you are blessed that your children will know that if there are questions, it is far better to be able to talk to a birth parent, vs. have "unknowns" hanging over their heads.
ICLW hun. Glad that I came across your blog. Open adoption is very close to my heart and is somewhat similiar to TS. Only my DH (me being barren) is the boys' biodad.
thanks for stopping by half a duo, wow, just from your response you have me so interested in your story! cant wait to get over to your blog!
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