So in my previous post I talked about always feeling the need to share my children's adoption story. So today is really one of the first times I really really wished I could breast feed! Me and brother bear are taking a mommy and me class (of which no one knows he is adopted). So I tell myself before class - alright - no adoption stories lets just go in and be mother and child. Well ofcourse during the class several of the moms stop to breastfeed and I have to feed brother bear also, which is a bottle and I felt like I was being judged. I almost broke and stood up and said- "okay okay - he is adopted and I only had a 2 day notice that I had a son- I can't breastfeed - so stop looking at my platex drop-in bottle with disgust!!!!!!!!!"
But I figured this might in some little way not be the best thing to do.But I
did not give in and tell our story and I am proud of myself for that-- as a sidenote I have been trying hard to let my kids stories be theirs to tell and not blurt them out all the time and baby bear is getting to the age that she understands so much more and people say the most off the wall things----
But really for the first time today I wish I had looked in to adoptive breastfeeding more - it is something I just had no interest in doing - untill today- Hey just had an idea - I could get up during class and go to the special breastfeeding chairs and pretend to breastfeed - they would never know- and then it would put more pressure on me to not tell our story - ofcourse brother bear would wonder what the heck was going on--- so nah better not do that- I will just proudly keep using my bottles!
7 comments:
I think you did the right thing...there's nothing more unnerving than feeling you are being judged by others. I'll never understand why there are such mommy wars. SAHM vs working mom, breast feeding vs bottle feeding...what a nightmare! To me the bottom line is that most people are doing the best they can with what they have...I just wish more people could realize and accept that instead of being so judgmental. In a perfect world, I guess.
You are on the right track. I know it's MUCH easier said than done, but be confident and proud of who you are/your story and don't worry about those other moms...or anyone else for that matter! :)
Melba
Isn't it something how people automatically judge you regardless of what your story might or might not be?
Don't let it bother you. You are doing a fantastic job with those two kidos!
I'm with ya, girl! I always have my bottles too! The looks get less frequent though now that my guy is getting bigger!
Love the new pics by the way!
Lea H.
Bottle feeding your son in NO way makes you an inferior mommy!!! There are plenty of bio moms who bottle feed their little ones! If you adopt again in the future (I am not sure if you are wanting to or not), you could always give consideration to adoptive b/fing if that is something you really do want to try some day, but please don't feel you need to pretend or feel defensive at all. Your son is growing like a weed so obviously you are doing just fine in terms of meeting his dietary needs!!!
Although I am not in the same exact situation since I haven't adopted, I also wrestle with the whole "why do I feel the need to tell the story" thing. In my case I feel that way when people give me a funny look when they find out she's my first child. Like they're thinking why did you wait sooo long. So then I jump in and say we ttc for 6 years etc. Really again I don't need to explain. Just like with the adoption sometimes I wonder if I should keep telling people that she was from FET. Maybe that's also something that should be something I keep more private?? The "birds and bees" story involves petri dishes and such, LOL! Of course IVF is a harder concept than adoption to grasp so I wouldn't tell her til she was older. I do plan to tell her from the start how sooooo many people were praying for her before she was born! :-) Sorry I got longwinded here...
I completely understand every word you have said. I have never felt so judged in my life as I felt when I would pop a bottle in Lil Princess' mouth. I actually did do adoptive breastfeeding...had the pump, swallowed nasty herbs, the whole nine yards. I had plenty of prep time...the irony of it is that Miya didn't even like to nurse. She was given a bottle in the hospital and her mom gave her a bottle during the 4 days she took her home, so by the time she was placed with us she was definitely not interestd in working that hard. I decided not to push it, but there were times that I wished I could so I wouldn't get the evil stares.
Here via ICLW...
I had a very similar experience the other day in a baby/mom yoga class. I got there and the yoga instructor was going over the class with me and let me know that if at any point I needed to stop to breast feed, that was okay. ahem. Anyway, I bottle fed during the class and didn't get any stares (that I noticed).
Interestingly, a friend of mine with the same age baby as my daughter says she feels self-conscious about breast feeding in public. Whereas I feel like I'm being judged for bottle feeding in public! Maybe it's just a new mom thing...
Just had to chime in after I read your post--had a similar experience the other day in a "feeding room" at a museum....it was me with my bottle and 3 month old, and two moms bfeeding...
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