Sunday, February 17, 2008
Less of a mom
I never feel less of a mom to baby bear --- quite the opposite --- I feel 100% her mom --- to the point of a love that kinda scares me -- you know the kind you would kill someone with your bear hands if they tried to hurt her -- I have never felt that way before -- but in the circle of other mommies -- I will admit - yeah sometimes I feel less of a mom. I guess just recently I have been involved in several birth/pregnancy story conversations and well I just don't have a lot to add to those conversations and I feel so out of that loop. It is wierd though because in every other way I feel so there as a mom but those conversations make me feel ugghhh almost fake or something and leave me with this wierd feeling--- maybe it is my unresolved issues of not being able to concieve -- who knows it has just been on my mind and quite frankly getting on my nerves lately! But I may feel or even be less of a mom sometimes in others eyes but the 2 most important eyes of baby bear see mommy as just that mommy and I quess that is all that matters for now!
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6 comments:
((Hugs)) I'm sorry - I know how you feel. I too feel the same way - when we switched daycare last Dec. there have been a ton of moms who have asked about my pregnancy with Lil P - so then needless to say I go into the whole story (or my short version I should say) and I do ended up leaving the conversation thinking I'm less of a mom even though when I pick Lil P up and carry him out the door I feel like 100% of a mommy. It's a weird feeling. Sorry I don't have a magic answer - I wish I did.
I could have written this post almost word for word a few days ago.
((hugs))
You are more of a mother than many women who have given birth. I am so sorry that you feel this way sometimes. ((HUGS))
I know you KNOW you aren't any less of a mom...but I am sorry you feel that way at times since it's NOT true. During the 3 years we tried to adopt I remember thinking this was something I'd have to "grieve" - the loss of possibly never experiencing pgcy, L&D, etc. What I kept telling myself was all that stuff lasts only about 9 months whereas being a mom lasts a LIFETIME. So in the grand scheme of things what you missed lasts a blink of an eye. And I'd also add that maybe just maybe some day you'll experience being pg and such. There's still hope that might happen some day although I know well enough not to say "bc you adopted now you'll get pg" - I HATED when people told me that while we were trying to adopt! Very annoying! Anyhow (((hugs))) sent your way...
It is such a strange feeling...being 100% mom and not feeling it 100% of the time. I understand!
Well, I am truly sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. I wish I could say something to make you feel differently, but I suppose I can't... I'm telling you that I could never be as great of a mom as you are to baby bear! I could have never done the things for her that you have done. I know this probably will not change the way the feel, but you are the greatest mother in the world to me! It breaks my heart for you to be this bothered! I wish I could be there to give you some hugs right now! Love you Mama bear! call me if you want too!
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