Wow! You know lately my mind has been spinning with questions and confusion about adoption. How can something that brought so much joy into my life be the cause of so much pain for others? On a normal day I am just a mom to a beautiful little girl, everywhere I go that is who I am --at walmart, at the playgroup, at church, at chucky cheese , at the zoo -- o.k. everywhere. But then when I visit the blog and forum world -- I am an adoptive mom - and that puts a whole new spin on my role and life. Ideas start to fill up my brain, like am I a good enough mom, do I need to be a better mom than most, who should know my story, when will baby bear become aware that here story is different, will I have the right words to answer her questions, will she hate me for adopting her, will she see it as I took her away, and on and on.... O.K. and then... there is this person that I love dearly, I consider a great friend and sister. She is someone I feel very comfortable with and could share many of my deep thoughts with, a friend I could call and unload my problems on and recieve compassion from! This wonderful person also happens to be the same person that carried and gave birth to my daughter -- yeah that would be dear Goldilocks.
It scares me that one day she will regret her choice and hate me - in my rational mind I don;t think so but in adoptive mom world my brain sometimes gets cloudy. Then I think sometimes oh my situation is different - I am in this wonderful open adoption, where goldilocks is at peace with everything and baby bear is going to be so secure about herself because of that connection and all the love in her life! Am I being simple minded? I don't know -- maybe I read too much, maybe I think about it too much - maybe I will just go to bed and wake up in the morning and just be baby bears mom - maybe that is just all I can do about it right now - maybe just be the best mom I can be and keep on loving Goldilocks and baby bear like the wonderful people they are!
Yeah I think that is what I will do!
7 comments:
You are thinking way too much. Quit listening to all the other horror stories and letting them impact you on your thinking! We both know we have an exceptionally unusual great open adoption! and that's okay mama bear! You are the perfect mother in every way possible for our daughter. and only God could have told me that you were and are the perfect person for baby bear.. I understand that not everybody can have what we all have. I think you should be thankful that you don't have to go through some of the hard times that other people go through. I don't ever see me regretting my decision and you are like my best friend and sister. Don't ever let anyone ever fill your mind with bad things about adoption, I think you know what it can be and is! You are the greatest mother in the world in my eyes and in baby bear's eyes! Much Love to You!
Blog and forum world are hard places to be sometimes. There are often days I want to throw away my computer. *grin*
You have an awesome relationship and an incredible adoption. The world is full of paradoxical relationships...simultaneous joy and pain, beauty and horror...but your friendship with Goldilocks is different. You are blessed, and that's the bottom line. I am so happy for you.
And as for whether or not BabyBear will ever hate you...I sincerely doubt it. But you know, there are no guarantees in life. I know lots of biological parents whose kids hate them, and usually for no good reason--just teenage hormones...there are just things that aren't in our control. Trust in God...He brought you this far, and He didn't put you here to let you come crashing down.
Hugs,
Min
Very well put post. I was there yesterday - second guessing everything for no reason. I'm so glad that you have goldielocks to turn to - I wish I had that. My relationship with T is growing - just slowly and one day I hope we will get to the same point. I think I too get a little too carried away and start second guessing my adoption because of what I read online. In real life I am a mom - plain and simple, but online it's like I have to prove myself. I love my adoption and it breaks my heart to know that others don't. Thanks for this post - I needed to hear that someone else understands and feels the same way.
thanks for the replies everyone! it is nice to have a safe place to sort things out --
You certainly have a very special and wonderful situation. So often those of us who still have some angst take the forefront, and sometimes I forget that there are stories like yours. It was really good to hear your story today, it warms my heart.
I don't think you have anything to worry about. Your story is wonderful. The relationship you have with goldielocks seems great and open. Baby Bear is blessed to have both of you in her life and I'm sure she will love you for it all of her days.
We can make ourselves crazy thinking about all this stuff, huh?
I think it's important to be aware of the myriad future possibilities, so we have a fighting chance of handling them appropriately if/when they arise. But it's good to enjoy what we have now, too. :)
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