this is a post from a blog that I read often, it is the blog of an adoptee, and although I'm sure some may not appreciate, she is very real, raw and honest and I just love reading her blog. She wrote a post that as an adoptive mom I thought it was important for other amoms to see, thanks izzy for always saying what you feel!
Adopt This! Confessions of an Ambivalent Adoptee
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Open Adoption Roundtable #14 success in open adoption
It's time again for the Open Adoption Round Table, hosted by Heather of Production Not Reproduction!
This time, Lori of Weebles Wobblog asks the question:
If there's one thing we all might agree on, it's that we'd like our open adoptions to be successful. But what does "success" mean to you, when speaking about open adoption? Do you think it may mean something else to the others in your triad?
For me success is about support, respect, and communcication. Ofcourse, the child is the top priority, however all sides need to feel heard, supported and acknowedged in order for it to be successful. communication has been a key in our success, when we have an issue arise, I always discuss it with baby bears birthmom, we discuss what she should be called or wants to be called, what type of involvemnt the extended birth family will have, length of visits... and on and on. I truely beleive we have done and excellent job so far and am very proud of our relationship that we have established. There has been very little information, and for sure no hand book on how to do this, weve just woked through it with lots of love. I am very sure that many things will come up in the future and we will hit many bumps, but that is not what matters it is that we maintain communication and respect what is best for all sides involved.
This time, Lori of Weebles Wobblog asks the question:
If there's one thing we all might agree on, it's that we'd like our open adoptions to be successful. But what does "success" mean to you, when speaking about open adoption? Do you think it may mean something else to the others in your triad?
For me success is about support, respect, and communcication. Ofcourse, the child is the top priority, however all sides need to feel heard, supported and acknowedged in order for it to be successful. communication has been a key in our success, when we have an issue arise, I always discuss it with baby bears birthmom, we discuss what she should be called or wants to be called, what type of involvemnt the extended birth family will have, length of visits... and on and on. I truely beleive we have done and excellent job so far and am very proud of our relationship that we have established. There has been very little information, and for sure no hand book on how to do this, weve just woked through it with lots of love. I am very sure that many things will come up in the future and we will hit many bumps, but that is not what matters it is that we maintain communication and respect what is best for all sides involved.
Monday, February 22, 2010
adoption loss part two
hello, i just wanted to clarify from my adoption loss post- a few things.
My secret wish is that my children have no issues with their adoption and never feel a loss from it, I am a very optimistic and naive person and on a daily basis I have so much joy with my children, but, after doing lots of reading I realize some adoptive children have issues with loss, so really i have had to jump off my cloud a little and just acknowledge it, and its hard. the book Primal Wound was hard hard for me to read, just imagining that baby I had brought home was hurt and confused, as a mom I never want to see my kids hurting and after a few years I am finally o.k. with the notion. But just wanted to say that's only a small part of my life now and in years to come we will see how it goes, this is the only place I feel secure enough to really talk about all sides of adoption so i hope i don't come off as too dark or gloomy, cause really my life is sometimes too sweet for even me to believe. thanks for all the comments I LOVE the feedback!
My secret wish is that my children have no issues with their adoption and never feel a loss from it, I am a very optimistic and naive person and on a daily basis I have so much joy with my children, but, after doing lots of reading I realize some adoptive children have issues with loss, so really i have had to jump off my cloud a little and just acknowledge it, and its hard. the book Primal Wound was hard hard for me to read, just imagining that baby I had brought home was hurt and confused, as a mom I never want to see my kids hurting and after a few years I am finally o.k. with the notion. But just wanted to say that's only a small part of my life now and in years to come we will see how it goes, this is the only place I feel secure enough to really talk about all sides of adoption so i hope i don't come off as too dark or gloomy, cause really my life is sometimes too sweet for even me to believe. thanks for all the comments I LOVE the feedback!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
IComLeavWe: February 2010
just wanted to welcome anyone over from IComLeavWe! Hello hope you stick around and read a bit, dont want to scare you away, I am an adoptive mom and sometimes I write about loss and hurt and adoption not being all rainbows and cotton candy- but I am real and honest and very much in to acknowledging the truth about each persons situation! Have a great day!!!
Friday, February 19, 2010
what if? loss and adoption
I have been reading an adoptin forum for several years and lately there has been discussion about adoption loss and it has really got me thinking...
What if a baby was born to a mommy and a daddy and they were leaving the hospital and on the way home with their bundle of joy they were in a car wreck and both parents were killed or were injured to the point they were unable to care for their child? How would you and society in general react to this? would you see , would you understand that the child had suffered the loss of both his or her parents , their mom and dad? Even if this child had a wonderful family to go and live with and they loved him or her to pieces and this child would be their world, do you still think the child had suffered the lose of their family of their mom and dad?
Well guess what both of my children suffered this loss, my son, was carried by his mom nine months and then lost her, went to foster care and then to me a complete and total stranger, he LOST his mommy. My daughter even though she knows her birth mom to the best of her ability, she went home with me , she lost her mommy that day and both lost their dads also and will probably never even know their history on that side. Adoption in some shape or form always begins with loss, on all sides, and I think it is rarely if ever acknowledged because baby got a mommy and daddy and the childless couple got a child, so it is all so happy and wonderful and shhhhhhh, lets don't even say it might be sad, ??? I don't by no means walk around and think about this all the time , what I do is I acknowledge it! I acknowledge that both of my children had a loss, that's it , plain and simple, and I think in general that what most people want is for you to acknowledge their truth.
and I truly believe at my core that because I do , that both my children will be able to discuss with me what they feel and we can deal with it if and when it comes.
Right now , I'm just a mom with two great kids that leads an extremely normal wonderful life and I love it, and I have a place in my heart and my head for all the beauties and sorrows that come with the way I became a mom and that is adoption.
What if a baby was born to a mommy and a daddy and they were leaving the hospital and on the way home with their bundle of joy they were in a car wreck and both parents were killed or were injured to the point they were unable to care for their child? How would you and society in general react to this? would you see , would you understand that the child had suffered the loss of both his or her parents , their mom and dad? Even if this child had a wonderful family to go and live with and they loved him or her to pieces and this child would be their world, do you still think the child had suffered the lose of their family of their mom and dad?
Well guess what both of my children suffered this loss, my son, was carried by his mom nine months and then lost her, went to foster care and then to me a complete and total stranger, he LOST his mommy. My daughter even though she knows her birth mom to the best of her ability, she went home with me , she lost her mommy that day and both lost their dads also and will probably never even know their history on that side. Adoption in some shape or form always begins with loss, on all sides, and I think it is rarely if ever acknowledged because baby got a mommy and daddy and the childless couple got a child, so it is all so happy and wonderful and shhhhhhh, lets don't even say it might be sad, ??? I don't by no means walk around and think about this all the time , what I do is I acknowledge it! I acknowledge that both of my children had a loss, that's it , plain and simple, and I think in general that what most people want is for you to acknowledge their truth.
and I truly believe at my core that because I do , that both my children will be able to discuss with me what they feel and we can deal with it if and when it comes.
Right now , I'm just a mom with two great kids that leads an extremely normal wonderful life and I love it, and I have a place in my heart and my head for all the beauties and sorrows that come with the way I became a mom and that is adoption.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
pet peeve
I may have many pet peeves in the world of adoption, but one thing that really really bothers me is when a pregnant woman is called a birth mom. She is NOT a birth mom, she is an expectant mother that is looking at adoption as an option so please don't slap that label on her---can you say subtle coercion?
Friday, February 12, 2010
Snow day!!
So in my little part of the world , when it snows our whole little town shuts down and we get very excited!!! Just wanted to share some pics!!!
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