what if? loss and adoption

I have been reading an adoptin forum for several years and lately there has been discussion about adoption loss and it has really got me thinking...

What if a baby was born to a mommy and a daddy and they were leaving the hospital and on the way home with their bundle of joy they were in a car wreck and both parents were killed or were injured to the point they were unable to care for their child? How would you and society in general react to this? would you see , would you understand that the child had suffered the loss of both his or her parents , their mom and dad? Even if this child had a wonderful family to go and live with and they loved him or her to pieces and this child would be their world, do you still think the child had suffered the lose of their family of their mom and dad?

Well guess what both of my children suffered this loss, my son, was carried by his mom nine months and then lost her, went to foster care and then to me a complete and total stranger, he LOST his mommy. My daughter even though she knows her birth mom to the best of her ability, she went home with me , she lost her mommy that day and both lost their dads also and will probably never even know their history on that side. Adoption in some shape or form always begins with loss, on all sides, and I think it is rarely if ever acknowledged because baby got a mommy and daddy and the childless couple got a child, so it is all so happy and wonderful and shhhhhhh, lets don't even say it might be sad, ??? I don't by no means walk around and think about this all the time , what I do is I acknowledge it! I acknowledge that both of my children had a loss, that's it , plain and simple, and I think in general that what most people want is for you to acknowledge their truth.
and I truly believe at my core that because I do , that both my children will be able to discuss with me what they feel and we can deal with it if and when it comes.
Right now , I'm just a mom with two great kids that leads an extremely normal wonderful life and I love it, and I have a place in my heart and my head for all the beauties and sorrows that come with the way I became a mom and that is adoption.

pet peeve

I may have many pet peeves in the world of adoption, but one thing that really really bothers me is when a pregnant woman is called a birth mom. She is NOT a birth mom, she is an expectant mother that is looking at adoption as an option so please don't slap that label on her---can you say subtle coercion?

Snow day!!

So in my little part of the world , when it snows our whole little town shuts down and we get very excited!!! Just wanted to share some pics!!!

I know

I know that today I will smile, I will laugh, I will get a hug and a kiss. At some point and time all these will happen. How do i know? because I have kids!

going under the knife

well thursday I am having an elective surgery but one that will not allow me to lift for several weeks, I am so freaked out about having to depend on others to take care of my kids! I really did not realize, or ok, maybe I did! but how hard it would be to let go of the control of caring for them, ofcourse one other little bump that makes me realize how hard it must have been for their first mommies to let go. I esp think about brother bears mom that truely had no options , but anyway my mind drifts to that but boom gotta get back to here and now, Im so lucky, I will still have them here everyday and will have help so its good, just thinking...

Welcome ICLW

Hello!
if you are visiting from ICLW, well welcome, you can read myinfo on the side bar,but for the most part, I am a mom to two amazing kiddos through domestic infant adoption, my daughter is three and half and we are in a very open and amazing open adoption, my son is 20 months old (today- wow- how did that happen?) we are in a close adoption at the request of his birthmom. I think I may be a strange kind of adoptive mom, I tend to lean way more to the side of adoption not always and really very often not being the right choice of most expectant moms, I am really really big in to ethics and do not tend to get that excited anymore when I hear of parents being matched with a "birthmom". Sorry, I just know the loss it has on the child and I think it should only be if there is no other way, which I know it is, so I am by no means anti-adoption I just have come to acknowledge that it surely isnt all lemondrops, rainbows and puppies, like I thought for so many years. I am also pretty sure we will not pursue the traditional domestice adoption again, if we did it would have to be the perfect situation on both sides. but anyway, in all other areas, just a normal mom that loves her kids to death, two great dogs that live inside and sleep in my bed with me and I own and operate a preschool that is attached to my home, hubby is active duty army and may or may not be headed over seas soon, and day to day around her can be an adventure!! look forward to meeting and reading blogs! thanks for stopping by!

2010

Well its a new year! Hope everyone had a great holiday season. Im trying not to make too many resolutions, but one I am going to try is to be closer to God and live a simply life. ofcourse I think about things the new year may bring, will there be any additions to our family, a child a puppy? Will my husband go to Afganistan? will we lose any family this year? but its all up to God, I just want to get closer to him and live simple. Hope everyone has a great year!!!!!