My poor little guy!

Well brother bear is in the hospital. Two days ago he ran a high fever and he was admitted, they did blood work and took spinal fluid and we are waiting to see what it is - they are thinking it is a bacterial infection in his blood stream - he will probably have a hospital stay of at least 10 days - but he has not had fever in 24 hours and is eating well! So just send up an extra prayer for our little guy if you can! Thanks!

Visit with Goldilocks and other thoughts on adoption...

SO Goldilocks was here last week (baby bears birthmom) and she got to meet brother bear (our latest addition to the bear family). We had a really great visit - she is awesome and our time togheter , well I value that. So what I am about to say may not make sense to some----- I have 2 children through adoption - one is very open and one is very closed (by choice of birthmom) I may never even get to meet brother bears birthmom - he may never either and we have NO info on his birthfather. I am sad for him because of this. But in a very selfish way - it is easy--- I know I know and believe me I feel guilty for feeling this way but it has been so easy having him in our family. I have not felt the guilt and utter saddness in my bones like I did with baby bear, I so felt Goldilocks' pain and sometimes felt like I had taken something that was not mine and that I should not have -- but with my son, he was already available for adoption when we were contacted, so he was going to be adopted, by me or someone, he needed a home and family - he was without one. I kinda almost feel like I have done something good - yeah thats right and it feels good to feel good about it! I think so many times in the adoption world we are so worried about doing what is right ( and we should) but sometimes the adoptive moms become the heavy and carry alot of guilt and responsibility that we may or may not should have to carry. Anyway it just feels so different, the two adoptions, for me.
I guess both have their issues and I know that the open is more healthy and will be better for my child, and I love being able to give that to her and it does make me sad for my son but for now it is easy - good , bad - whatever - it is still easier now! So if anyone wants to flame me go ahead - I just thought I would be honest, so many people have asked... thought I would add a few pics from last week! WE miss you Goldilocks!
Goldilocks and baby bear


Goldilocks and brother bear

Busy, busy!

I just realized it has been a long time since I posted! We have been so busy with our new addition and just life! Goldilocks comes tomorrow for a visit- hope we have a good visit- We had our first post-placement visit from our agency today and I think it went very well - I think we are doing very well as a family of 4 - it has actually been a very smooth transition for us! Well just wanted to let everyone know we are still alive!!! I have a post in my mind that I am getting around to about my 2 different adoptions (closed/open) I have a lot I want to say - some things I am feeling that even surprise me - but it is kinda deep stuff and I want to have my brain involved so it will have to be later - but it is there and it needs to come out so hopefully soon! here are some new pics of the kiddos!

blog name

so I have been thinking what I should call my little guy on my blog-- any ideas?
here are a few new pics!

Here is our little guy!!!

Our son comes home today!

After only a couple months wait - we got a call from our agency 2 nights ago. Today we are going to pick up our son - he is 2 weeks old. We are very excited, a little in shock and nervous! Please keep us in your prayers today as we travel with baby bear to go get our wonderful little guy! Hope to be posting some cute pics real soon!

All about me

so this NCLM ( NaComLeavMO) has been really neat! I have loved going to all the blogs and reading everyones story and then I saw a post that I wanted to copy. It was an introduction post that made me feel like I knew the person right away-- So I figured I would just kinda tell my story as to give you an idea of who I am. My blog mostly is about adoption - open adoption. My dh and I tried to get pregnant since we got married, for 5 years we have had no success - we are in the "unexplained" category. After we did IVF we decided to take a break and pursue adoption. We were all approved except for our final home visit in August of 2005 and then Katrina hit and caused major damage to our home, which postponed our home vistit while we lived in a camper in our drive way for 6 months or so. We were approved in Feb. 2006 and after a few turns and twists we were chosen in May 2006 by Goldilocks. We met her and had an instant connection and became close before baby arrived. My husband and I were at the hospital and were in the room with Goldilocks and Baby Bear lots and we really all connected and decided we would be open with things. Since then we have had visits and have had Goldielocks in our home for extended visits. It is a relationship that some have a hard time understanding and even I at some time have a hard time wrapping my brain around it - but it is a connection that is like no other I have ever had - she gave birth to my daughter, my wonderful daughter and I will always be connected to her.
As for now in 2008, we are a waiting family with the same agency we adopted Baby Bear through and are in the midst of deciding if we want to embark on any more fertility treatments before I am too old... and that is basically it in a nutshell! I hope to get to know lots of you more and thanks for taking the time to stop by my blog!