Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Who started it?
It, being the myth that there are so many babies that need homes. I have heard this 2 times this week from random people. So , o.k. - I bite -- I say really, why do you think so? And usually it is the oh I know so and so that knows these kids that blah, blah, blah, and then as the conversation deepens I realize that they are only open to a healthy white baby. O.K. - for real? Do they really think that there are these "perfect" babies just waiting to be adopted? Is this why I still see the same waiting families year after year? But I really am curious to know how this got started, I think that if you are open to a variety of situations your wait time could be less, but this notion on "waiting babies" just confuses me.
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7 comments:
it seems to me, that if you are unable to have a baby, then you would be more than happy to be able to adopt a baby regardless of race. seems like you would be more than happy to have the opportunity to raise a child as your own.. i don't understand people nowadays. no matter if you have a child of your own or adopt you are not going to get a perfect child.. remember no one is perfect, only Jesus... people can be so thoughtless and heartless sometimes when it comes to adopting a baby and their "must haves" on a baby before they will consider adopting one. think about it, are you that perfect that you think you have to have the perfect baby? and lots of adoptive parents are only worried about what other people will say about them especially if they have a baby of another race other than their own race.. oh, i could go on for days.. i think you have to have an open mind when you go into it.. stop expecting things to go perfectly.. that does not happen always... i am speaking from a birthmom's point of view.. but i also try to look at it from the other side as well... i'm with you mama bear on this one 100%....
I'm with you 100% too. This is my big rant when it comes to adoption. Very well put post!! We got Lil P because a lot of the families in our office were not as open as we were and we have a health happy almost 8 month old baby - why - because we took a leap of faith and believe in God. Great post.
I can understand why people aren't open to all races, truly I can. We were open in our wait to all but AA because of nasty racism in my family. However I can respect somebody who says, you know I'm not comfortable raising a child who is whatever. at least they can acknowledge something in themselves that would make them less capable of being a transracial family for whatever reason. It is better than trying to force something they aren't comfortable with on an innocent child.
yeah Erin, I really get it , I would not want a child in a situation like that -what I don't get is why so many peolpe are under the assumption that they are doing a wonderful service by wanting to adopt a "needy" baby and there are sooo many just waiting - and there idea of a baby in need of a home is a healthy white baby---
With you! I had to "delurk" for this one...it makes me crazy sometimes to hear people talk about wanting a baby but they're not willing to open their hearts to other situations. I understand Erin's point, and she's right. If you have racists in the family, you probably shouldn't subject a kid to that, but it seems like there are so many waiting pap's who, if asked, will only say that they want a baby who looks like them. No other reason.
On the other hand, we had a couple of racists in our family, we decided to adopt anyway, and bringing our oldest home totally changed their perspective and worldview. They fell so totally in love with her that they now have a totally different view of races other than their own. So sometimes it can work out, anyway.
Point very well made...the white babies don't tend to be the "needy" ones. They're the most wanted, not the least!
I totally understand your question, and I want to know who started it as well. If there is some long list somewhere of these USA babies that are just waiting to be adopted, why don't I know about it? Maybe it goes back to the earlier 1900's when there was a list and they, at times (like during the depression), would have more babies then families. Does that happen in the US anymore? Not that I'm aware of...What other things can we start talking about as if it were 60 years ago?
There *Are* a lot of children waiting for families... I saw the books.. But they are in foster care, and older. They are big sibling groups, or children with horrific backgrounds.. And people tend just broaden the "needy children" so they feel like they "saved" that brand new white baby girl with no drug use from having to be in that book!
For me, I wanted to have 1 chance in my life to have a brand new baby. Gender didn't matter, color didn't matter, and health was a concern we were willing to discuss.
I think that is why I fell apart when I saw my two little heart shaped blue eyed faces in the NICU the first night. Not in a "oh darn" or anything, I think I was just shocked that of all the "open minded" I felt I had, I should get two perfectly healthy (*gasp* white) children a boy and a girl...
Actually haha, come to think of it.. The agency thought they were going to be trans racial children, I forgot all about that! They thought they were going to be 1/3 Indian and the rest Caucasian... Well, that was bad information, I think they are maybe 1/16th (or even one more generation beyond that, whatever fraction that makes).. geez...
Anyway, its annoying that people always tie the foster population together with the newborn infant adoption and make it sound like they saved that baby..
(Oh and Goldielocks, sadly many P-aparents DON'T go into adoption open minded. In fact, many go into it very close minded and just want to get them self a baby.. I think once IN the process a lot of things are introduced to you and (hopefully) many open their mind to more then what they initially set out for. That includes what "kind" of child they are willing/feel most able to raise, AND what kind of openness they are willing to accept.
Its a crazy world.
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